I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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