Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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