i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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