things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
