On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
