I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
