pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
