just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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