i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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