I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
