I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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