Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
