I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
