My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
