I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize