You're a womanizer and a bitch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
