There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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