If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
