I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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