so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
