when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
