his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
