Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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