Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
