Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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