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i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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