Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
