dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
