Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm always down for nudity.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
