Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
