Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
