I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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