I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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