I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize