if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
