I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize