I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
