Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
