the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
