I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
