Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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