Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
