i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
