: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
