omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
