I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
