This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
