I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
