he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
