I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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