we have pet lesbian snakes
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
