I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
