Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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