How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
