Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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