I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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