i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
