I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
