my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
