Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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