Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
