Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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