I can tuck mytits in my pants
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
