There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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