there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
