Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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