is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize