My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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