I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
