We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize