Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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